As kids grow, they are constantly learning and taking in new information.
They go to school to learn about reading, writing, science, and math. But what about things that are not in the textbooks?
Emotional intelligence (EI) is important to a child's development too. However, it is not as easy to teach or quantify as other topics may be. Instead, we have to take behavior, maturity, social interactions, and the capability for empathy into consideration when assisting in a child's development of EI.
Even the most mature of children, however, will have a few bumps along the way as their emotional intelligence develops. And that is why parental support is such a vital part of this journey.
What Is Emotional Intelligence?
Emotional intelligence refers to a person's ability to be aware of their own and other people's emotions and understand ways to adaptively cope with strong emotions. It is an important part of learning to manage life’s challenges.
There are five commonly-regarded behavioral signs to look for to determine a child's EI development:
1. Self-Awareness
Is your child aware of their emotions? Do they understand why they get upset about certain things or feel happy about others? When a child acknowledges their feelings and shows an understanding of why they might feel the way they do, they are expressing self-awareness.
2. Self-Regulation
Sometimes, children experience feelings that they do not like or that feel too big or intense to handle. They may feel a desire to act impulsively on these feelings, even if it will only make a situation worse. However, when a child has intense or negative feelings but can find ways to stay calm and in control of their behaviors, they are showing self-regulation.
3. Motivation
Despite any negative feelings, can your child still go about their life and accomplish their goals? Instead of focusing on setbacks, a child with emotional intelligence enjoys what they do and immerses themself in that feeling. Often, this means they are able to understand that difficult situations and emotions won’t last forever.
4. Empathy
Even if your child has never experienced a specific situation or event personally, can they still recognize when an emotional situation affects others? In essence, they are able to put themselves in the other person's shoes and imagine how they may feel. And they react with that understanding in mind.
5. Social Skills
Interpersonal relationships typically develop at a very young age. If your child recognizes what behaviors are socially acceptable and behaves accordingly around others, they are exhibiting strong social skills. They tend to not only focus on their own advantage but also look to benefit others.
How Do Kids Learn Emotional Intelligence?
As humans, we learn many of our behaviors by watching other people. Your child depends on you to teach them many things, and EI is one of them. Of course, many behaviors will develop instinctively, but not all children will develop skills at the same pace. Learning to manage challenges in life and cope with difficult situations is not easy. That is why parental examples of positive emotional behavior and use of coping skills are so crucial.
What if you feel stressed or concerned about your child's emotional development? Fortunately, there are plenty of things you can do to help them.
Keep in mind that kids are going to get angry, and they are going to act on that anger, which may look different depending on age and developmental level. When it happens, it can be helpful to allow them to calm down, and then try to talk to them about why they were angry and what their thought process was. It is important to validate your child's emotions, even if you don’t condone the way in which they were expressed. While they may be prone to throwing tantrums, they are still experiencing genuine emotions. And they need to feel your empathy—through words and actions.
By kindly talking to your child and offering advice or strategies on how they can better respond to their anger in the future, you are helping them to not only understand their emotions but also to cope with them.
How Counseling Can Help
Obviously, everyone gets upset or angry sometimes, and kids are no exception. Many children struggle to cope with intense emotions because their brain is still developing in the areas that control emotion and self-regulation. As they develop, they are also bombarded with new information and situations every single day, which can be incredibly stressful.
So, if you are worried about your child not developing emotional intelligence or struggling to regulate their emotions, you may want to consider seeking out a child counselor. A skilled and caring professional can help them make sense of intense feelings and help strategize how to cope with their emotions. They can share specific ways of dealing with problematic situations. And they can also help your child master skills that will allow them to be as emotionally successful and stable as possible in life. A child counselor can also help you with parenting skills and ways in which you can further support your child’s development of emotional intelligence.
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If you would like to know more about emotional intelligence in kids or how we can help you to support your child’s development, please feel free to contact us.